Sunday, March 18, 2012

And so it begins....

I am having a midlife crisis. There I've said it. No whining, no judgement, no bitterness, just reality. I am not upset by this event. It means that I have made it to a point in my life where I no longer care if my socks match my blouse. I have stopped breaking my back to make everyone in my life happy, and generally, I like myself. Before we get too far into this tale, introductions may be in order for some. I am a Southerner, a wife, a mother of two, a daughter, a sister, a fierce friend, a Martha Stewart wannabe (that reads as self-imposed perfectionist), the school nutrition director for our local school system ( I help feed 8,300 kids lunch every day and work with 126 women), and I am TIRED.

Around 18 months ago, I was at a conference in Dallas, Texas. Not long before I left, my mother told me I needed a haircut because I was too old to wear long hair. While unpacking, and watching tv, I saw the commercial for the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love". In the ad, two women talked about not being able to remember what they had to eat for lunch, that maybe it was a salad at their desk. I was struck by the fact that I could have joined their conversation, you know, if I was famous and in the movie. Later that evening, destiny's gong struck the third time (we all know, things, good and bad, come in threes). My nightly endulgence was to enjoy a dove chocolate. Right there on the wrapper was printed, "Live with no regrets." Now, I know it is dangerous to get a life philosophy from candy, but remember the premise, I'm having a midlife crisis here, and as these three things rolled over in my mind, my midlife crisis was born.

I returned home to Georgia and spoke with my family about my realization that I needed to do something for myself. They stared at me blankly and with great love asked, "What do you want to do?" Well, that was the last thing I expected. I had dreams for my husband and children, hopes for my friends and family, goals for work, but I had forgotten how to dream for me. I had spent my twenties and thirties working on family and career and I got lost. I think I felt like if I did too much for myself, I would be selfish, or a bad person/mother. There just didn't seem to be enough time for me. Now, the kids were a bit older, and they still needed me, but not like they did when they had were babies.

My husband in his great wisdom asked, "What did you used to want to do?" I explored this question in my "free" time. You know, in the shower, in the three minutes before someone discovered that I was in the bathroom and started talking to me through the door, while I was standing in line etc. Things I used to dream of doing, being a wife- check, being a mother-check, being successful at work-check, run a marathon- wait...

So, we held a family meeting and talked about it. Could overweight, out of shape, not exercising, Mom, with a previous ankle injury complete a marathon? No, not right now, but, MAYBE a half marathon. And so it begins.......

1 comment:

  1. Finally! Blogspot lets me post a comment! I just had to re-read is so great! As I said before, I love your heart and feel your pain! Many, many blessings as you find yourself again!